30 Days of Carrying My Wife

in Blog Posts, Stories

I got home one night and, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, "I want a divorce." She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she softly asked me why. I avoided the question, and this made her angry. She threw down the chopsticks and shouted

I got home one night and, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I want a divorce.” She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she softly asked me why. I avoided the question, and this made her angry. She threw down the chopsticks and shouted, “You are not a man!” We didn’t talk to each other that night. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage, but I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement stating that she could keep the house, the car, and a 30% share of my company. She glanced at it and tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy, but I could not take back what I had said. She finally cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see in the first place, and the idea of divorce felt more real now.

I got home very late from work the next day, and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have dinner, I just went straight to bed and fell asleep.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but requested that for the next month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month, and she didn’t want to disrupt him with a broken marriage.

She also asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day, and requested that I now carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning for the month’s duration. I thought she was going crazy, but to make our last days together bearable, I accepted her odd request.

We were both pretty clumsy about it when I carried her out on the first day, but our son was joyfully clapping his hands behind us, singing, “Daddy is holding mommy in his arms!” His words triggered a sense of pain in me. I carried her from the bedroom to the living room, and then to the door. She closed her eyes and softly said, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded and put her down outside the door.

We weren’t as clumsy on the second day. She leaned on my chest, and I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t really looked at this woman for a long time. She was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, and her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by, and I suddenly realized that she was getting very thin.

One morning it hit me how she was burying so much pain and bitterness in her heart, and without really thinking about it, I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at that moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom out!” To him, seeing his father carry his mother out had become an essential part of every morning. My wife gestured to our son to come closer, and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might start changing my mind. I carried her in my arms, and her hand naturally wrapped around my neck. I held her body tightly, just like on our wedding day.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. I knew what I had to do. I drove to Jane’s place, walked upstairs and said, “I’m sorry, Jane, but I do not want to divorce my wife anymore”.

It all became very clear to me. I had carried my wife into our home on our wedding day, and I am to hold her “until death do us apart”. I bought a bouquet of flowers for my wife on my way home, and when the salesgirl asked me what to write on the card, I smiled and said, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart”.

I got home, flowers in my hands, and a big smile on my face. But my wife had died in her sleep while I was away. It turns out that she’d been fighting cancer for a few months now, but I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon, but wanted to save me from a negative reaction from our son (in case we push through with the divorce). In the eyes of our son, at least, I would still appear to have been a loving husband. I carried her out for the last time…

The small details of our lives, that I initially thought were boring and unimportant, are what really matters in a relationship; not the mansion, the car, personal property or the money in the bank. These things may create an environment conducive for happiness, but they cannot provide happiness in-and-of themselves.

So find time to be your lover’s friend, and to do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Many people do not realize how close they are to success when they give up.

(Author Unknown)
Photo by Thava Raj

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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

kim August 5, 2012 at 11:10 am

Sad Story

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margaret rollo August 13, 2012 at 6:00 pm

This is a heartbreaking but wonderful story. I only wish my husband of 16 years had presented me with the option of carrying him (which I would have done gladly), instead he chose to become a grumpy, resentful man that I could no longer understand. He chose divorce (make that annulment) of our 30 year relationship and devastated my soul when he died of cancer, leaving his attorneys to notify me of it. He passed in 2008 and I will NEVER be the same. If you love someone and you are ill, TELL THEM ! You aren’t doing them any favor by hiding it.

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mahi September 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

this is really heart breaking story ……… there r few person who dont under stand there patner …………but loving n understang is must in between two people ………………….. i wish my husband ill gives me the best ………………. hope :-) he ill loves me a lots after marrage n aways understadand me through out my life ……………..untill i die………………………………..

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vishal February 24, 2013 at 9:40 pm

yes he will surely do. just have trust on him & leave every this on ur relationship with him. Nd i belive tht u born will end this life Together with ur smiling kids.

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Doug Burton October 26, 2012 at 8:12 am

Your wife is amazing.

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Liz October 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

The story, while touching, rubs me the wrong way.

First of all, I’m tired of cancer being portrayed as an incurable disease. I had lymphoma in 2007, and the main thing I learned (besides about gratitude) is that more people are cured of cancer than die of cancer these days. However, popular culture continues to perpetuate this notion that cancer is a death sentence.

Second of all, let’s say she really was dying of some incurable form of cancer which for some reason she doesn’t seek out medical help. Tell me why she would want to spend that month with her cheating husband? I know the story is technically about the husband and how he came to his senses, but, he is a cheating husband. Why is it assumed that she would WANT to spend her last month with him? You know how people say, “If you had one month to live, how would you spend it?” I sure would never say, “With my cheating husband.”

I get the “till death do we part” bit but I’m pretty sure there’s something about being faithful in there as well. He made the vow too, and broke that.

And PS to Jane. If he cheated on her with you, he’ll cheat on you with someone else.

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Alejandra October 27, 2012 at 6:58 am

Liz one of the reasons the wife probably decided to stay with her husband is her son! I’d say a mother’s love for her child would rewrite any sort of dreams we have for ourselves especially under the circumstances the family was under.

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Debbie December 1, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Liz
having just lost my Mom to Cancer 09/02/12 Cancer is a Killer!!! It’s painful to have and what it does not hurt you the treatments are very painful and hurtful in themselves. My Mom was diagnosed on 07/31/12. She was given 6-9 months to live. She got only 31 days!!!!
boom she was gone. It’s just like that sometimes. I’m sorry you had it and I’m sorry you feel that people react to it like they should not be worried.
I agree with the PS to Jane that if he cheated on his wife with her that he then would cheat with Jane.

how strong that wife was.. just amazing and for the Son to have seen his Dad supporting her…. It’s a very touching story.

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Ashley January 1, 2013 at 9:10 pm

@Liz it’s a story. Stop being a so pessimistic. Cancer can be incurable my 13 year old brother in law just died from leukemia earlier this year. He fought for 18 months. Congrats on beating it but certain cancers are still very aggressive and shouldn’t be taken so lightly.

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mourad February 13, 2013 at 5:12 am

she knew he was cheating but she had the gift of forgiveness .
If she lived she would have saved her marrage, preserved her family.

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jen March 1, 2013 at 8:37 pm

liz, as one cancer survivor to another congrats on beating your illness. that being said your comment is extremely mean and severely inappropriate you obviously completely missed the whole point of this story. Her dying wish was to give her son an example of love. For many people whether they seek medical help or not still die from cancer every single day. I really think you need to reflect on your comment and not bash people courageous enough to share their story especially when they
don’t come off looking too good.

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Miss my bro March 21, 2013 at 10:01 pm

Liz, be grateful your cancer was not lethal. Unfortunately, there are many types which are! Such as my brother’s pancreatic cancer, when he died @ a young 57. No hope for him, but I only pray more cures will be found to all cancer!

Having been cheated on when pregnant with our 3rd child & fully understand that pain. We are not together now. However, sometimes I think we are all too quick to divorce. It is a good thing to know that someone would love you, & be committed enough to do the hard thing & not the selfish thing. It was important to their child, & his love for his father, to not be selfish, but to do a nice thing in death showing love for your husband & child.
Even though the spouse cheated, it shows true love on her part to not take revenge, but do what she could to be sure that child has a good relationship with the 1 parent that is left!
And certainly not to excuse it, but many times men cheat because of something they are missing – not because they are horrible. We loved them enough to marry & have children with them – we should do all to be sure our children continue to love their fathers, & they will have a better, happier life! It’s more about the kids than us! Take care of those we bring in to this world & protect them to the best of our ability!

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dusty March 31, 2013 at 6:03 pm

cause she wanted her family back together!

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BStaley October 28, 2012 at 12:20 am

Strong marriage or troubled please read The 5 Love Languages. It gives each partner insight into what makes your mate feel loved. You’ll be very surprised at the results especially if the two of you don’t speak the same love language. – The Cowboy of Love

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brenda fisher November 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

i loved this story i cried through the whole thing thanks for sharing

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Laurie November 6, 2012 at 6:17 am

A mothers bond with her children is far more stronger than any other bond. She knew she would not be there in the future and she did not want any ill feelings toward his dad because that was all he had. Divorces are harder on the kids then people realize. There is no right or wrong answer but self gratification at this point could ruin that childs life for ever. What would you do? I know what I would do!

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James D. Chamberlain November 14, 2012 at 1:56 am

“Till death do us part… so help me heavenly father to keep this, my mortal vow.”

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Nelly November 14, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Hello Liz
Everybody is different when it comes to the heart and this woman in this story has a strong, loving, caring and unselfish heart. In her last days she was able to save her son from looking at his father with anger and hatred. She was unselfish and gave of herself until her last breath. You may not do something like that but I would. Everything is not so cut and dry. My heart would ache with the thought that my son would hate his father and he would be without not just one parent, but through bitterness, TWO. She also loved her husband and because of a distance between the two there relationship had fallen, and when you are at your deepest place in your marriage you need to remember that you aren’t alone and for some, that means praying to another father, father God. He is what binds a marriage and although that isn’t mentioned here it needs to be. “Til Death Do We Part” the man never stopped loving her, he just found out that it was clouded by other things and even another woman. Cheating is wrong but it is forgivable. God forgives us for the wrongs we do and we want to be forgiven. The woman had a strong heart and forgave him and did it for him and so she could be free. This was a truly sad story but it was about true unconditional love. She had a strong heart, not a selfish one.

Cancer is a bad word and I am thankful that you are a survivor but the sad fact is, well, I have had cancer take my mother and my closet friend just in the last two years. They weren’t old and the one cancer was a fast cancer that took my friend within the night because she didn’t even know she had it, she thought it was the flu. My son’s other Grandmother died from cancer over five years ago and she was treated for it and it came back. There is a cure but not for all cancer and not for all stages of cancer. It is like a cavity that creeps upon someone and in some cases is too late to be taken care of. I know that if you had treatment that you had to go where others were treated for it, when my mother was in the hospital for two months I stay at the hospital in a hotel like place just down one floor and a building so I could be with her. I made friends with all kinds of people dealing with different types of cancers and I watched some leave the hospital after being there for a month and I have seen people die. I know it isn’t something you want to hear but we do need a cure for cancer, it isn’t all curable. I took care of my son’s Grandmother and I held her hand just like I did my mother’s when she took her last breath, I think if there was a cure they would still be here. It isn’t all cut and dry in this situation either. All you can do is pray and prayer is good. My prayers go out to you. Try not to be so cut and dry …. find some real feelings and that is not to be mean but to let you know there is more to everything then some people allow in.

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Julie December 12, 2012 at 2:30 pm

What a sad yet sincere story of love! Life is definately
A journey & not a destination. There is so much
Love in this story if you read it with an open heart!
Thank you for sharing!

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Doris Rovalto December 17, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I always love hearing stories like this, of super strong women who put the needs of their families before their own well-being. She wanted her son to carry memories in his heart of her and her husband together. Even if it isn’t a true story, it’s still the way I’d like to think of myself going out, with strength and dignity. I was touched by the message this story conveys. It would be a good lesson for any married couple out there.

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Peter January 19, 2013 at 12:45 pm

@James D. Chamberlain

I need help..

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cheatinhusband February 16, 2013 at 4:17 am

i carried my wheelchair bound wife for 3 months, but i let her kno my bak stared hurtin by gruntin everytime i put her down for the last 30 days.becuz of that she took it upon herself to find a wheelchair accessible place so i wudnt hav to carry her. the place is so small and all our stuff bareley fit and thats frustrating for her cuz she cant invite company over like before, but like she says, i dont hav 2 carry her at all.2 years ago she started experiencing sever pain and since then she has been diagnosed with severe FM + scoliosis+copd+reoccuring mass in her breast+ a failed bladder so she uses catherters+shes severley depressed amoung other things, and shes only 34. but i cheat on her constantly, especially since shes been sick. on my way takin her to church in october she found a provacative photo of me and the other woman in a night club on the dashboard of our van. then after that our daughter found another girl earring on the floor of our van and gave it to my wife, the after that my other daughter found another earring on the bakseat of our van and gave it to her, then just a few days ago, one of the girls texted me @ 3am for valentines day, and my wife saw it and actually had a long conversation with her via tex while i laid there and watched. i mean it started innocent, just going out to drink, then i started gettin drunk and not comin home till sunrise most weekends.i dont tuch her, we havent had sex for 8 months now bcuz of her pain.even wen she offered it to me back in september, i was already not interested anymore…now for the past 2 dayz she been talkin bout divorce papers bein served 2 me at my moms house, but i havnt seen them yet. i want to leav her, but she sick and ill feel bad…….

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Becka May 31, 2013 at 4:54 pm

You are a sad excuse for a man. A husband is supposed to love his wife. You took those vows because you loved her. Now she is fragile, sick and feels alone and you go and do that to her? You are like the scum of the earth on the bottom of my feet. And then on top of it all your daughters find earrings? How do you think you look in their eyes? I would be embarrassed to call you my father or my ex husband.

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noheart May 11, 2014 at 3:28 pm

Very well said Becka!
Men are such cowards when it comes to taking responsibilities!! We woman do SO MANY things for our husbands home children family & friends, but when things get a little hard these piece of SHIT MEN run out and easily & quickly start having affairs or leave their wives & kids & make themselves believe that they have every right. THERE are NO WORDs TO DESCRIBE these men…….Men dont understand nor see that a woman doesnt leave her man when they are old & worthless, pissing & crapping on themselves,cant get up nor walk, when they cant get that shit UP, cant even feed them sorry asses!!!! NO we deal with it! Its part of OUR MARRIAGE COMMITMENT to take care of each other!! MEN ARE WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!! I hope they all get what they deserve!

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Web Watcher February 22, 2013 at 2:08 am

Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

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Onward Okpole March 4, 2013 at 11:32 pm

So many lessons learn t here. Insights for moro.

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Julia April 1, 2013 at 5:15 am

Awesome story, but sad on so many levels.

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Cara Rogers April 3, 2013 at 4:41 am

What a heart wrenching story. It feels like a story of practical use and effort. Putting in the time to try and fix something you once loved instead of just giving up and walking away. This was truly and incredible story to read. Thank you for this.

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Meiliza April 4, 2013 at 8:41 am

It’s a heart breaking story.. I couldn’y hold my tears….

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shellythediva April 25, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Liz I understand how you feel as well and my husband has cancer as well and he is gonna beat his and I also agree that in his day in age cancer is not what it used to but cancer runs in my family on my dads side it has only been like only 3 or 4 of my family members who have not dies of cancer in my family

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Louise May 18, 2013 at 9:49 am

i think the mother was extremely selfish, if she knew she was dying, she should have been discussing her son’s future with her husband, not trying to break up his new relationship. She should have been sorting things out for his sake. instead, she spends all her time trying to make her husband fall in love with her again just as she is dying. what a cow.

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Chatham July 2, 2013 at 3:14 am

I am not married and don’t know cancer personally. I wouldn’t call her selfish after ten years of marriage. She asked only to be carried out in the morning. What he did with the rest of his time was on him. Her son would not remember a pitiful woman who got divorced and died shortly there after. He would blame his father for the rest of his life whether it was cancer or not. As they say cheaters never prosper in the end he had no woman. Parted by death not by choice, she was a loving wife and mother till the very end. Whether he deserved it or not.

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Aaron Wise July 17, 2013 at 12:10 pm

Thanks for the feedback on my story guys

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CarterVance July 29, 2013 at 5:54 pm

This story was very heart felt, but makes me angry at the same time. The wife was very caring and clearing knew her husband would feel “something” while she did this. He still cheated on her and still wanted a divorce and yet knew she would die soon. What kind of a man does that? A coward is who does that, a self centered SOB who doesn’t see the beauty of what he had. My sister experienced this with much different results. At age twenty-four she married her bottom dwelling husband. At twenty-six she learned she had breast cancer, apparently the aggressive kind. Very soon after as she was going through treatment options she learned she was pregnant. So as unselfish as she could be, she forwent any treatment until her baby was born. She delivered a health baby boy. Sadly , but not unexpectedly, her cancer had spread. She underwent a double mastectomy and heavy chemotherapy. During this time, her loser husband started having affairs because she was unable to have sex with him. Her conditioned worsened and he decided this was a perfect time for a divorce. He found a thousand reason why, but the most evident ones were no breasts and no sex. He told her she was only half a woman now and the better half is gone. She tried to make it all ok, but it was in vain; this loser’s girlfriend was pregnant. My sis gave in for the divorce because she was too tired to fight. MY sister died at my house with my wife and I three days before her thirtieth birthday. Her ex, did not come to the funeral. I know she was the mother to my nephew, but I told her ex that if comes with in 100 yards me or my family; I’ll kill him.

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John August 6, 2013 at 7:12 am

Mr. Vance
The guy in the story didn’t know his wife had cancer. As for what you called your sisters ex you are right. He is a peace of crap. Very sorry for your loss. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

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Jin August 3, 2013 at 6:52 am

Go watch the Hmong short film of this story.

http://youtu.be/Hi-od4oZ0DM

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John August 6, 2013 at 7:07 am

Thank you for sharing this story. My wife just beat cancer. At the same time I was diagnosed with skin cancer. She is the love of my life. One of the greatest gifts GOD ever gave me. I watched her suffer through chemo while running a business, keeping our house a home and helping raise our little boy who was 2. A stronger person I’ve never met one in my life. Our little boy just turned 3 today and I can’t even explain how happy I am that his mother is here to see it. When I was diagnosed with cancer I probably freaked my Doctor out when I did not give him the reaction he expected. As he cleared his throat and laid out the bad news all I could think of is how I was going to tell my wife. I did manage to say to him. Well doc the way I see it. I’m not going to live no longer then GOD means for me to live and I’m not going to die before he means for me to die. I am cancer free as well now. Cancer is a evil disease. 7 kids will die of leukemia today in the United States. I’m not going to get into all the stats but cancer kills. While I enjoy my little boys birthday today. Some pore parents will be at a funeral for there’s. People are not just throughing cancer around to make a story good it’s a killer. Sorry for my rambling but this story just had me choked up. Then I read through the comments about a story to learn something from that people just tore apart. Treat your spouse and loved ones like every day is your last or there’s. Love them whole heartedly. If your wife has a couple wrinkles don’t run out and get another. Love her for them. Putting up with you is probably the reason she has them any way.
GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

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Mike August 9, 2013 at 3:53 pm

My wife is wanting to end our 14 year relationship as we speak. I too am guilty of letting everyday life and responsiabilites occupy my mind and time. But I do think ablout her all day and want nothing but to spend the rest of my life with her. I would build a bridge and carry her accoss it and to the front door everyday of my life. If I could I would strongly tell each person in a marriage if its not abusive do what you can to save it. I hope when I read this again I still have the only woman I have ever loved in my life.

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Elizabeth September 29, 2013 at 2:52 am

This is so sad and tragic.

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anh December 31, 2013 at 12:15 am

The movie!!! Based on this story.

Carry Me Home
http://vimeo.com/65535208

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farid May 30, 2014 at 3:25 pm

I love her but Kate too. She hadn’t lost my heart to kate but I’m lost between them.

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