A Positive Example Of The Internet Comforting A Grieving Stranger

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Yesterday a parent posted this photo on Reddit with a request:

“My daughter recently passed away after a long battle in the children’s hospital. Since she was in the hospital her whole life we never were able to get a photo without all her tubes. Can someone remove the tubes from this photo?”

The thread took off, and tons of people did:

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10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself 5 Years Ago

By BRIANNA WIEST

1. You spend too much time worried about the vapid opinions of jealous, little people. What you have to know is that nothing will define you unless you let it. You are only whoever you decide you are. You are not a democracy. There is nothing that anybody can say that will change who you are, unless you take it to heart and you let it.

2. There is no designated time for anything in your life. You don’t have to have your first kiss at any certain time, you don’t have to get married in your 20′s and you don’t have to do anything just because other people think it’s best. In fact, you will be much better off if you just do what your heart says. The day you stop caring what other people think is the day their opinions don’t mean anything, because you’re not there to give them weight.

3. What’s important is that you have to be kind to people, and you have to do your best. Learn to put other people first. Learn to not freak out over little, petty things. There are much bigger problems in life that you will one day have to worry about, and while I know your 9th grade drama seems like the be-all-end-all trust me, it’s not.

4. I know a big concern is whether or not you’re attractive, whether or not you’re fat or skinny, whether or not the music you listen to is “cool,” but here’s the thing: you’re seeking an answer that doesn’t exist. You are only as much or as little of any of those things as you think you are. But what’s more important is that you have to realize that there are a thousand things that are more important than being “cool” or “beautiful.” Find those things, and take pride in them instead. They won’t fade with time.

5. One of the absolute truths about life is that people will forget what you did, they will forget what you said, but they will not forget how you made them feel. I cannot stress this enough. Listen to Maya Angelou.

6. It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Life is not supposed to be a joy ride every single day. It’s okay to have a broken heart or hurt feelings or to be anxious or nervous. It’s resisting these things that give them their choke hold on you. Let it be a beautiful and sad part of the story, but only a page or a chapter here and there, not the whole book. One day you will realize how important these dynamics are.

7. You need to work on having a little more blind faith in things– yes, I know, this seems counter-intuitive to all the messages that you’re receiving from society. But there is a difference between taking control of your life by pursuing things that are important to you and learning when to let go and let whatever is supposed to be unfold by itself. It’s a little anxiety-inducing to be blindly led by the universe, but please, please take my word for it: you will be led to far greater places than you could even comprehend to take yourself. Trust it, and go with the flow babe.

8. Stop being afraid of being who you are. At the end of the day, people can hate on you as much as their little cold hearts desire, but what it should all really tell you is that there is some gaping insecurity within them that forces them to be mean to you. You are a bad ass. You are a fantastic person. You are going to do great things, even thought you don’t feel like you’re worth anything right now. Stop trying to hide who you are or cover it up because you think if people attack your armor they won’t affect who you really are. But the truth about that is you are allowing them to control your ego because you’re not in tune with your true self.

9. Learn to sit back and enjoy the ride. Immerse yourself in the joy you find in lazy Sundays. Eat your favorite foods. Do the things you love to do, and don’t feel bad because it’s not “cool” or something. You have to realize that just because your life doesn’t look like someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s less than theirs. In fact, embrace the fact that your life isn’t anything like anybody else’s, it’s personally tailored for you. So put on that suit and wear it like the beautiful woman you will one day become.

10. You don’t need love, now or ever. You will have your heart seriously broken a few times, but you know what? You’ll pick yourself right the hell up and become even more fabulous than you were before. Do not settle. If you have your own love, and by that I mean you’re okay with being with yourself and you can find happiness in your life as it is, you’ll realize that you are waiting for someone else to come and make your life worth living. But here’s the truth: people will come and go. Love will fade and reignite and you will be headed for nothing but problems if your love for someone is contingent upon what they can do for you. Embrace your independence now, and keep your head high always. There are far better things ahead than you can even imagine.

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This Beautiful Woman

This Beautiful Woman

This Beautiful Woman

THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

-Was RAPED along her best friend while her husband was tied up and forced to watch.

-Was diagnosed with uterine CANCER.

-Had to get a DIVORCE because her husband was gay.

What did she do about it all?

-Create a television show with her ex based on their divorce and friendship that still holds strong.

-Laughs just as hard today as she has in the past.

-Fights for the rights of the gay and lesbian community

-Works for the U.S. State department for the Public Diplomacy Envoy for Women’s Health Issues.

-Launched the ‘Cancer Shmancer’ movement, a non-profit organization dedicated to ensuring that all women’s cancers be diagnosed while in Stage 1, the most curable stage.

-Has won the following awards: Jon Wayne’s Institute’s Woman of Achievement award, Gilda Award, City of Hope Woman of the Year award, Hebrew University Humanitarian award, Albert Einstien’s College of Medicine’s Spirit of Achievement Award, City of Hope’s Spirit of Life Award, and the ”My Aid Award” for her achievements in support of cancer prevention and rehabilitation.

-She has been cancer free for 12 years.

Now tell me she is not an AMAZING Woman.

When people say they “Hate her” because of her voice, I just want to punch them straight in their faces.

I LOVE FRAN DRESCHER!

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What Matters

Regret

From her interactions with her patients, she found that in the final days of their lives they shared five common regrets. 
 
As you read this, think to yourself what could you do differently right now, with your life, so that you live a life of joy, happiness, and meaning, and not experience these regrets?
 
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
 
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
 
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. 
 
Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
 
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
 
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 
 
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. 
 
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
 
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
 
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
 
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
 
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. 
 
Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
 
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 
 
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
 
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. 
 
Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. 
 
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
 
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 
 
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is 
a choice. 
 
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
 
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
 
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. 
Choose happiness.

 
Article by Bonnie Ware, author of the book   The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing

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