Father Accidentally Discovers His Son Might Be Gay

The 38-year-old father posed the question to Reddit after finding Google searches on his son’s iPad suggesting he wanted to come out. He said: “I found out my 13 y/o son is gay… He hasn’t told me, but I want to support him. What can I do?”

Reddit user HeMeYou was left “overwhelmed” by advice from online strangers after accidentally discovering his son might be gay.

The 38-year-old father posed the question to Reddit after finding Google searches on his son’s iPad suggesting he wanted to come out.

He said: “I found out my 13 y/o son is gay… He hasn’t told me, but I want to support him. What can I do?”
I’m 38, and a single dad to my 13 year old son, 14 in four months. The other day I asked my son if I could borrow his iPad and he gave it to me.

After my first attempt at Google searching something I noticed that he forgot to delete his history as a lot of the search terms were along the lines of “I’m gay what now?” etc…

I love him regardless of which gender he loves, in fact when I was slightly older than him I had a few flings with guys, which he doesn’t know about, so I am 100% supportive.

He has seemed slightly down recently, as in, he isn’t as cheerful as he once was, and I desperately want to tell him that I love him regardless of which sexuality he is.
What are my options? Should I wait for him to tell me? Or should I make a few hints at it?

I’m worried that if I don’t hint at it, that he will be worried about something that he really doesn’t have to be worried about… if that makes sense. Thanks.

Shortly after, he received a flood of supportive messages, with many users offering advice based on their own experiences.

One user posted: “Google ‘how to tell my son I will love and support him no matter what’ and leave it in his search history.”

Another said: “Let him come out on his own terms, just make sure he knows that you’ll support him and you don’t have a problem with it.”
The father, who wished to remain anonymous, told Buzzfeed the response to his post was “overwhelmingly helpful and kind.”
A few days later, HeMeYou posted an update on what he ended up doing:

I started off with talking about general media with him, for instance I mentioned how awesome it was that Tim Cook (CEO of Apple) came out as being gay and I asked him what he thought about it and I was completely expecting him to give a typical teenager response like “yeah.. its good” or something like that but he actually gave me a detailed response which I absolutely loved because for the first time in a good while I’ve actually held a conversation with my son that felt really… rewarding.

I also wanted to talk to him about how I’ve noticed that he’s not been acting as cheerful as he usually has and I sort of gave the cliche spiel of “I love you no matter what and I just want to see you be happy” but I didn’t get much of a response that time apart from “yeah I know..”

The next day as I picked him up from school I thought I’d ask him about any crushes he has, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t say a gender when I asked him, so instead of ‘he’ or ‘she’ I used ‘they’ etc.. Here is that conversation as I remember it…

Me: So, do you have a crush on anyone?
Son: Uhm… no..m..maybe..
Me: Ohhh so who is the lucky person?
At this point he sort of looked at me slightly confused, I’m not 100% sure why, but I’m assuming it is because I said “lucky person” rather than “lucky girl”.
Son: Just someone from my french class…
Me: Oh yeah… so what do you like about them?
Son: Just.. stuff..
Me: Okay.. but.. like what?
Son: I donno they’re just kinda funny I guess…

At this point I dropped the conversation but just before I did I told him “Well, whoever it is, they should be so lucky to have you as a boyfriend..” and while I didn’t see it, I certainly felt as though he was rolling his eyes at my cheesy comments.

At the dinner table the same day, while we were eating we had a couple minutes of silence, not much was heard apart from the cutlery and my son finally said “I actually wanted to tell you something in the car, but I was afraid you’d get in an accident..”

I looked up from my plate and looked at him straight in the eyes… I could see he was thinking about something and all I could think of was “OMG this is it…”

He said “Dad..” with a couple seconds of silence “..I’m gay”.

I looked at him and couldn’t help myself from smiling, and I told him “____, you know I love you so much… right?” and I got up and gave him a huge hug.
He even started to cry on my shoulder and because of that I couldn’t help myself but shed a couple tears.
Concluding his post, he said: “After dinner and after he finished his homework we both lay in our pyjamas on the sofa, while I was watching the Cooking Channel and he was playing on his iPad.

“I had my arm around him and he was leaning his head on my chest, and all I could think of was that I’m the happiest father on earth right now.”

Robin Williams Didn’t Die

Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. I only just heard the sad, sad news of Robin Williams’s death. My wife sent me a message to tell me he had died, and, when I asked her what he died from, she told me something that nobody in the news seems to be talking about.

Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. I only just heard the sad, sad news of Robin Williams’s death. My wife sent me a message to tell me he had died, and, when I asked her what he died from, she told me something that nobody in the news seems to be talking about.

When people die from cancer, their cause of death can be various horrible things – seizure, stroke, pneumonia – and when someone dies after battling cancer, and people ask “How did they die?”, you never hear anyone say “pulmonary embolism”, the answer is always “cancer”. A Pulmonary Embolism can be the final cause of death with some cancers, but when a friend of mine died from cancer, he died from cancer. That was it. And when I asked my wife what Robin Williams died from, she, very wisely, replied “Depression”.

The word “suicide” gives many people the impression that “it was his own decision,” or “he chose to die, whereas most people with cancer fight to live.” And, because Depression is still such a misunderstood condition, you can hardly blame people for not really understanding. Just a quick search on Twitter will show how many people have little sympathy for those who commit suicide…

But, just as a Pulmonary Embolism is a fatal symptom of cancer, suicide is a fatal symptom of Depression. Depression is an illness, not a choice of lifestyle. You can’t just “cheer up” with depression, just as you can’t choose not to have cancer. When someone commits suicide as a result of Depression, they die from Depression – an illness that kills millions each year. It is hard to know exactly how many people actually die from Depression each year because the figures and statistics only seem to show how many people die from “suicide” each year (and you don’t necessarily have to suffer Depression to commit suicide, it’s usually just implied). But considering that one person commits suicide every 14 minutes in the US alone, we clearly need to do more to battle this illness, and the stigmas that continue to surround it. Perhaps Depression might lose some its “it was his own fault” stigma, if we start focussing on the illness, rather than the symptom. Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. He died from Depression*. It wasn’t his choice to suffer that. -Tom Clempsom

A Positive Example of the Internet Comforting a Grieving Stranger

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Yesterday a parent posted this photo on Reddit with a request:

“My daughter recently passed away after a long battle in the children’s hospital. Since she was in the hospital her whole life we never were able to get a photo without all her tubes. Can someone remove the tubes from this photo?”

The thread took off, and tons of people did:

10 Things I Wish I Could Have Told Myself 5 Years Ago

You spend too much time worried about the vapid opinions of jealous, little people. What you have to know is that nothing will define you unless you let it.

By BRIANNA WIEST

1. You spend too much time worried about the vapid opinions of jealous, little people. What you have to know is that nothing will define you unless you let it. You are only whoever you decide you are. You are not a democracy. There is nothing that anybody can say that will change who you are, unless you take it to heart and you let it.

2. There is no designated time for anything in your life. You don’t have to have your first kiss at any certain time, you don’t have to get married in your 20′s and you don’t have to do anything just because other people think it’s best. In fact, you will be much better off if you just do what your heart says. The day you stop caring what other people think is the day their opinions don’t mean anything, because you’re not there to give them weight.

3. What’s important is that you have to be kind to people, and you have to do your best. Learn to put other people first. Learn to not freak out over little, petty things. There are much bigger problems in life that you will one day have to worry about, and while I know your 9th grade drama seems like the be-all-end-all trust me, it’s not.

4. I know a big concern is whether or not you’re attractive, whether or not you’re fat or skinny, whether or not the music you listen to is “cool,” but here’s the thing: you’re seeking an answer that doesn’t exist. You are only as much or as little of any of those things as you think you are. But what’s more important is that you have to realize that there are a thousand things that are more important than being “cool” or “beautiful.” Find those things, and take pride in them instead. They won’t fade with time.

5. One of the absolute truths about life is that people will forget what you did, they will forget what you said, but they will not forget how you made them feel. I cannot stress this enough. Listen to Maya Angelou.

6. It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be happy all the time. Life is not supposed to be a joy ride every single day. It’s okay to have a broken heart or hurt feelings or to be anxious or nervous. It’s resisting these things that give them their choke hold on you. Let it be a beautiful and sad part of the story, but only a page or a chapter here and there, not the whole book. One day you will realize how important these dynamics are.

7. You need to work on having a little more blind faith in things– yes, I know, this seems counter-intuitive to all the messages that you’re receiving from society. But there is a difference between taking control of your life by pursuing things that are important to you and learning when to let go and let whatever is supposed to be unfold by itself. It’s a little anxiety-inducing to be blindly led by the universe, but please, please take my word for it: you will be led to far greater places than you could even comprehend to take yourself. Trust it, and go with the flow babe.

8. Stop being afraid of being who you are. At the end of the day, people can hate on you as much as their little cold hearts desire, but what it should all really tell you is that there is some gaping insecurity within them that forces them to be mean to you. You are a bad ass. You are a fantastic person. You are going to do great things, even thought you don’t feel like you’re worth anything right now. Stop trying to hide who you are or cover it up because you think if people attack your armor they won’t affect who you really are. But the truth about that is you are allowing them to control your ego because you’re not in tune with your true self.

9. Learn to sit back and enjoy the ride. Immerse yourself in the joy you find in lazy Sundays. Eat your favorite foods. Do the things you love to do, and don’t feel bad because it’s not “cool” or something. You have to realize that just because your life doesn’t look like someone else’s doesn’t mean it’s less than theirs. In fact, embrace the fact that your life isn’t anything like anybody else’s, it’s personally tailored for you. So put on that suit and wear it like the beautiful woman you will one day become.

10. You don’t need love, now or ever. You will have your heart seriously broken a few times, but you know what? You’ll pick yourself right the hell up and become even more fabulous than you were before. Do not settle. If you have your own love, and by that I mean you’re okay with being with yourself and you can find happiness in your life as it is, you’ll realize that you are waiting for someone else to come and make your life worth living. But here’s the truth: people will come and go. Love will fade and reignite and you will be headed for nothing but problems if your love for someone is contingent upon what they can do for you. Embrace your independence now, and keep your head high always. There are far better things ahead than you can even imagine.

This Beautiful Woman

This Beautiful Woman

This Beautiful Woman

THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

-Was RAPED along her best friend while her husband was tied up and forced to watch.

-Was diagnosed with uterine CANCER.

-Had to get a DIVORCE because her husband was gay.

What did she do about it all?

-Create a television show with her ex based on their divorce and friendship that still holds strong.

-Laughs just as hard today as she has in the past.

-Fights for the rights of the gay and lesbian community

-Works for the U.S. State department for the Public Diplomacy Envoy for Women’s Health Issues.

-Launched the ‘Cancer Shmancer’ movement, a non-profit organization dedicated to ensuring that all women’s cancers be diagnosed while in Stage 1, the most curable stage.

-Has won the following awards: Jon Wayne’s Institute’s Woman of Achievement award, Gilda Award, City of Hope Woman of the Year award, Hebrew University Humanitarian award, Albert Einstien’s College of Medicine’s Spirit of Achievement Award, City of Hope’s Spirit of Life Award, and the ”My Aid Award” for her achievements in support of cancer prevention and rehabilitation.

-She has been cancer free for 12 years.

Now tell me she is not an AMAZING Woman.

When people say they “Hate her” because of her voice, I just want to punch them straight in their faces.

I LOVE FRAN DRESCHER!

You Wouldn’t Be Moving Forward

You Wouldn't Be Moving Forward

By Kyle Cease

For anyone feeling depressed, suicidal, or sad right now. You are under a massive illusion. When we get depressed, it feels like our world is closing in on us. Our vibration lowers and asks crazy limiting thoughts.

If you just broke up with someone, the mind literally might trick you and say “There will be no one out there for you. You will never be with anyone again.” That is absolute bull shit. You have met .000001 percent of the people on this planet. You could meet 100 people a day and still not meet hardly anyone here.

If you lost your job, your mind could trick you and say, “We are never going to make any money. We are doomed.” This is also an illusion that comes when your mind chooses to go to a state of fear. Your heart has moved to the illusion of fight or flight. If you lose something that you believe was a part of you (even though you are whole as is), your body decides to defend itself.

It is using the methods designed for a caveman surviving a tiger attack to take care of this problem. It lost what it thought was a part of itself and now it feels defense. When you feel this lack, your mind has to justify it. Your mind and logic do nothing but try to justify why you feel a certain way.

If you feel sad, your mind’s job is to look for reasons you feel that way. It is finding proof for you! Its job is to help you feel right, not happy. (Remember you are defending yourself so it is about winning.)

If you feel sad cause you lost someone, your mind will look for a reason to prove it to yourself! No matter how crazy it is, your mind can do it!

So it will say to you things like, “You will never have another person again.” to justify it. This is why people who are sad LIST OUT ALL THE REASONS WHY they are sad to the people around them. Their mind is justifying and trying to literally defend staying there. This is why how you feel is all that matters.

You can decide how you feel. The problem is most people think that their circumstances decide how they feel. That is not true. YOU decide how you feel, you just give the power to your circumstances.

You might read this and now think, “So what do I do then?” Believe it or not, that is actually a fight or flight question too. There is nothing for you to do. Literally just reading this makes you a tiny bit more aware.

The next time you are sad and you hear those thoughts coming in, you now know that it is your amazing mind justifying your sadness. It does not mean those thoughts are true. They are an illusion. Observe these thoughts and examine them. Is this really true? Am I under the illusion of fear right now?

Now, you are informationally more aware. As you experience this, you will be more aware for real. The more aware you become, the less sad you will be. This is why sadness is actually a good thing. You wouldn’t care about what I am writing if you were already happy.

You can use your sadness to explore what is really true and start knocking down the illusions in your life. Congrats on being sad. You wouldn’t be moving forward faster if you weren’t. We need you and your potential awareness.

If you suddenly realize you are not those thoughts, and you are the thing observing the thoughts, than who the hell are you?

Sometimes People Come into Your Life

Alone

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger) but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience help to create who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count!!! Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

Photo by Johnass